mish_sze's Xanga

The Old Has Gone

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 04:23:30 GMT

I'm moving blog!!

http://www.michelleng74.blogspot.com

Check it out! Cheers!

A Note Before 2007

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 14:51:26 GMT

I want to end 2006 with Him and start 2007 with Him. There’s no way I would rather end and start my years in a better way than this.

I would say that 2006 has been a really good year, though I still think that it could be better. If there’s anything that I would say about my year was that it went the way He wanted it to go. So, what more can I ask for?

I’m glad with what I’ve accomplished. Be it in school as a prefect/student or in YC as an assistant CG leader or even as a dancer in JC Works. I’m proud of whatever I’ve done so far and I pray and hope that I’ve touched someone’s life in a way or another.

Wait.

Hold that thought.

Let me correct what I just said,

I pray and hope that God has used me to touch someone’s life in a way or another. It doesn’t really matter if they remember me or not. All that matters is that I’ve been used as a vessel to bring another one step closer to Him.

Anyway, 2007’s in less than 37 hours time.

What’s me resolutions?

Merely to live life the way He wrote my story to be. To lean on him every single day of my life and to draw ever so much closer to him with every living breathe I take.

Author’s note : I don’t really like this post. I won’t have any time to post anything before the year ends so I must as well do it now. Sorry for the unauthentic entry. I promise better ones in the year to come. Till then, Happy New Year all!!

Please, Look Beyong What I Say

Tue, 26 Dec 2006 13:41:39 GMT

I can’t take this anymore. I just can’t. Tears run down my face as I see him in his own nature. I long to give him the love he needs. How I long to merely show him what’s really the meaning of caring for someone unconditionally.

But I just can’t.

‘I don’t think I can go on with you anymore. I can’t stand your nature any longer. What seems normal to you just isn’t to me. I’m sorry.’

Everything just came out all at once. The hurt. The agony of holding it in for so long. But I simply just couldn’t control what I wanted to really say.

‘Well I expected it. You were actually acting really weird…’

He expected it? And he’s going to let me go just like that?

‘I thought from the beginning that we knew that we were from two different worlds’ he added.

My hands trembled as he said those words. Deep down inside I was longing for him to look beyond those words and to see how much I do love him. How much I wish that he’ll say that I’m the perfect one for him.

‘You’re a wreck, you know that? Have some self worth for goodness sake…’ I whispered in a deep, harsh tone.

What was I saying? In that instant I just wished that I could take back everything that I said.

‘Well from what I see, there wasn’t anything wrong with us but your ego. It’s just too big for you to handle.’ He blurted in an instant.

No! No! I really didn’t mean anything I just said. Please, look beyond what I say, I beg you.

I pressed my lips. I didn’t dare say anything anymore. I was just afraid that it came out wrong. Deep down I knew it was too late.

We’re just too different. Practically from different worlds.

He turned. And walked away.

Note : Fiction

Daddy and Pearls

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 15:01:30 GMT

Lynette was 16 years old. She was and is still daddy’s little girl, and she never grew tired of it.

She always loved sitting on daddy’s lap every random moment daddy wanted to say a little prayer before she left the house.

She still and always long for moments where she can slide in daddy’s arms once he’s fast asleep.

Every evening, just before dinner, she’ll always wait for daddy to come home just so that she can pounce on him and give him the biggest hug a daughter could give.

Yeah, she was the perfect daughter every father would want to keep and hold on for eternity (if possible). But daddy knew that there was some time where he’ll have to let little Lynette grow and in due time, leave him one day.

So on her 16^th birthday, daddy took out a velvet box from the upper section of his wardrobe and sat beside Lynette. Daddy said ‘Honey, you’ll have to leave home one day to be with someone else. To be someone else’s wife and after some time, you’d have little kids to be a mother to…’

Smiling, Lynette listened attentively just as she always has even though daddy’s lectures might be a little draggy at times.

‘But Lynette, dear, before you give your heart to anyone, pass one of these to the man that you think is capable of being yours.’

Slowly, daddy opened up the box. Lynette’s eyes widen.

Inside were a string of pink pearls. 7 of them to be exact. They were perfect, without blemish. ‘I have been pearl hunting every time I told you and your mother that I was going deep sea fishing. It was hard finding the perfect ones but I managed after all these years.’ said daddy.

Gently, Lynette unhooked the string of pearls from the box and stared at them in admiration.

‘Thank you daddy! Thank you so so much! I promise I’ll take good care of them! Oh! I promise!!’ she said while giving daddy the tightest hug in her whole 16 years of her life.

* * *

It was her freshman year in college. And Lynette met a special someone. He was a national swimmer, always did his country proud by bringing back sacks of medals. He was a nice person. Good looks, attitude, he had everything.

They have been going on for some time now. But Lynette remembered daddy’s words very well. So one morning, in the hallway, Lynette passed him one of the pearls without saying a word. He smiled, gave her a hug and walked away.

She thought that she met The One. He was everything that she ever though of. She prayed ever so hard every night that the pearl was still in good condition.

Months passed, and Lynette was doing in a favor by getting his Chemistry text book from his locker.

But what she found in his locker then literally killed a piece of her. She found the pearl in the rusty corner behind his Maths book. Dented. Chipped. Craked.

* * *

It was Lynette’s third year in university. She got her dream of studying Law in Cambridge.

And there was another.

She just recovered from the hurt she endured the last time and decided that it was about time to move on.

He was a rather amazing person. Studied Computer Software and guess what? He got her her first webcam for her birthday!

And then she remembered what daddy said again. That Friday night after her birthday, she handed him one of those pearls again.

They were doing well for some time. They were really an icon in campus. Everyone knew who they were. You won’t be surprised if I told you that they were labeled the ‘Perfect Couple’.

Until she found the pearl she gave him just a few months ago

* * *

Lynette just finished her PhD then and decided to do part time in church before pursuing her career.

And she met him. They took care of the same cell group. Little 14 year old kids.

He was really the caring one. He would go up to any lost sheep in the bunch and gave that kiddo the attention he or she needed.

And so she thought that he could be trusted. She passed him another pearl.

But she was wrong. She was terribly wrong.

* * *

It wasn’t long before all the pearls ended up in the same condition. All dented. All chipped. All cracked.

With tears streaming down her face, she took every single one of them back to daddy.

‘Daddy…I…I…’

‘Hush my daughter, let me take a look at those pearls.’

Lynette took all 7 of them out from her pocket and placed them in daddy’s hands.

‘Daddy I’m sorry…I promised to take good care of them but…’

‘Hey it’s alright. Let’s see what I can do with them’

Daddy gave her a hug, wiped away the last tear on her cheek and headed off to his workshop behind the house.

After and hour or two, daddy came out, smiling.

He sat beside Lynette on the couch and opened up his hands with the pearls in them. His hands were bruised with cuts all over. There were a few plasters here and there. And there were even splinter bleeds at every crease of those fatherly hands.

But those pearls that were once in Lynette’s hands became perfect again, they were fixed to the way daddy gave them 10 years ago.

‘Thank you daddy! I’m sorry for the hurt I caused you when I asked you to fix them…’

‘Lynette dear? Is there anything that I wouldn’t do for you?’

Note: Fiction

Dear God..

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 07:31:42 GMT

How could you bear with this kind of hurt?

How could you have taken me in after all I’ve done?

God I’m so worthless. I bet if there was only one space left in heaven, I would not even deserve a fraction of it. But yet you took me in and showered me with unconditional love.

You told me that You’ve been waiting all along.

You told me that You cried day and night every time I took another step away from you.

You told me that You’ve always been watching all this while.

You told me that You want the best for me and nothing less.

God, I’m the last person that deserves this. Yet you took me in and showed me what real love is.

You healed my scars and clothed me with the finest material.

You took me to your dinner table and stuffed me only with the most heavenly food.

You tucked me into bed and made sure that I was sound asleep before leaving my side.

And what have I done to deserve this?

I disobeyed You.

I turned away from You.

I chucked You aside.

I caused You more hurt that You already have.

But yet You opened up Your doors the second I said that I needed You.

All I ask…

God, all I ask

Is for You to break me with the conditions that break Your heart.

The One

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 09:22:25 GMT

Something that every girl has thought of.

Something impossible to get of every sane mind existing on earth.

Something that some people may care less about.

But something that’s so important to me that I’m not willing to let it get messed up.

Before I meet The One, I want to make sure that he is fully God given. That when asked the primary question of who he loves the most on earth, the only answer that will be given is that he loves the one and only living God.

I don’t want to mess with another woman’s future husband. I never ever want to make that mistake simply because I don’t want it to happen to myself. I vow to never rush into things, I’m willing to wait.

To wait if it means another 10 years.

I only want it if God wants it for me. I want everything to be perfect. I want someone destined by God to make me whole.

He may be someone I currently know. He may be someone that’s blogging about the same topic at this very moment. He may even be someone that I’ll only meet in the distant future.

But I don’t really care.

It’s no longer Him and I. It’s Him, I and God.

Perfect Timing..

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 12:59:03 GMT

I’ve always believed that God’s timing will and always be perfect. I never doubted that whatever he brought me through was for a purpose. I know that he never puts me in situations that I can never endure.

God knows me better than me. He knows what’s best for me. He knows how to make me stronger. He knows where my breaking point is and stretches it even further. He takes what I have in my hand and uses it in ways unimaginable.

I’m thankful for everything that He does for me. Though the obstacles and hindrances he puts in front of me always seem impossible to overcome at first, but he has always granted me the strength to pull through. And guess what? I always end up strong after that. And I’m so so grateful for everything he does though I may wonder why in the world a God of love would do this to his only daughter.

But how can he say that he loves me without allowing me to grow?

Thank you, God. I really mean it.

Camp

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 08:51:04 GMT

I'm leaving for camp in approx. 42 minutes. Going to be up there for 10 days.

10 days worth of cleaning up after people.
10 days worth of linens!
10 days worth of peaceheaven food
10 days worth of peaceheaven bunks

but most of all...

10 days worth of being face to face with my Daddy God...

Who said that I was complaining?

All I Want for Christmas...

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 10:36:43 GMT

Ipod Video

Yes yes!! It’s expensive~ But a girl can dream right??

Nike Free Women’s Running Shoes

Something I’ve wanted since my BIRTHDAY!! (swoons)…I love Nike!

Skechers Shoes

I just love them a real lot!

Sony Handycam DCR-PC55

There again, a girl CAN dream right? (grins) Don’t give me that face!!! ><

Hoodies

Oh oh!! I saw this gorgeous black hoodie in Giordano and this looooovely one in Body Glove… or was it Tropicana? I think I forgot… But since sales are here (hint hint)

Pumps

What more can I say? I just love them a whoooole lot!

Earrings

I currently have 27 in my collection…I don’t mind owning more!! (smiles) These spider ones are amazing!!

Clothes

Throw me dresses! Shirts! Pants! Skirts! Jeans! Board shorts! Tanks! Wooohooo!! (esp Nike ones ><)

Sansha Jazz Shoes

(swoons) The only thing that I’ve been longing for since forever…

Backpack Bible

I need a new one! My current one is in TERRIBLE condition! Just shows how much I use it eh? (wink)

Money

Haha…just in case you really don’t want to get me anything…10 bucks or maybe 20 will do! (you know I’m joking)

Hugs?

Something that simple will totally make my day!

My Time's Coming Up Soon

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 06:03:40 GMT

While browsing through YC’s xanga blogring, I noticed something that I’ll soon be a part of. Something that I’m still denying at the moment but in due time, I guess I’ll have to accept it soon enough.

It’s really nice to see all those SPMers who have slaved through 11 years of studying finally being able to say ‘It’s my last time wearing that school uniform!’ ‘It’s my last time stepping into that stupid school!’ ‘It’s my last time sitting in that oh-so-terrible classroom!!!’

Yes, time flies. Nevertheless, I’m currently not really dreading over the fact that I’ll be leaving school soon. Heck, I want to get out of that place as soon as possible! It’s more about the fact of facing SPM! Yea, OUT OF ALL THINGS, MICHELLE!

I dare say that friends won’t be much of an issue once I’ve left school. Hey, I’ve got a good bunch of them and I have utterly no doubt that we’ll stay in touch. They are amazing people. Though, I have to be frank here, even though we might loose contact in the years to come (and might not fulfill the destiny of being each other’s bride’s maid), life still goes on.

The only thing that’s currently on my mind now is being able to be people like Annora and Jo who can finally say:-

“WARGHHH!!!

I'm still so happy with this new found freedom. SPM is OFFICIALLY over now!!! I'm so ecstatic that i don't want to sleep and just do anything and everything. I'm still grinning from ear to ear man... warghhhhhhhhhh.....”

-xanga.com/josaw-